We at Evans House Business Centre in Warrington have recently suffered a spate of crimes by idiot criminals (e.g knicker thieves and broken windows) but nothing prepared us for the audacity of the most recent discovery. Last week I found that someone had stolen the flushing mechanism off the communal toilet on the second floor corridor.
What is it with you people? These flushing mechanisms cost a tenner from Wickes across the road. It was probably harder for you to walk up the stairs and unscrew the thing without being seen, than it would have been for you to dig a hole in your garden or simply soil yourself.
To the toilet plunger nicker and the knicker nicker, I say this; Warrington deserves a better class of criminal you cretins. Have you never seen Layer Cake?
Police were called to the scene of the crime but refused to take my statement until I put my trousers back on. Forensics were also requested but said it was a s**t job that no-body wanted and the police advised they without the plunger itself, they had nothing to go on. Apparently this is not the first time this has happened in the local area therefore it appears the thief is on a roll.